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Additional Information on Chapter 4, page 46 A great challenge that Elizabeth and I have encountered in conducting seminars is that so many participants have trouble understanding that logic and emotions are not mutually exclusive qualities. Stated another way, it is quite possible to have intense emotions and still make logical decisions. Another way ofRead more

Additional Information for Chapter 4, page 55 From the Compatibility Code: Jealousy comes in many forms, some of which are appropriate and some inappropriate. In the Bible, God is spoken of as “jealous of His own people.” Appropriate jealousy is typically associated with a committed relationship in which those feelings surface when the quality or evenRead more

Additional Information for Chapter 4, page 47 Abandonment is not discussed directly in The Compatibility Code, but the consequences of abandonment (devastation) is discussed thoroughly in the book on pages 51 – 53. Abandonment is a uniquely excruciating human experience.  This does not apply to romantic relationships only.  When the disciples abandoned Jesus in theRead more

Additional Information for Chapter 4, page 47 and 48 The Compatibility Code provides a fairly complete description of how to deal with anger.  The context is actually anger due to a broken relationship.  The model presented, however, works for any type of anger regardless of cause. There are people whose anger is so extreme, soRead more

Additional Information for Chapter 4, page 47 The term “emotional germs” is a phrase that is used in The Compatibility Code to indicate present issues emerging from past traumatic situations that we have experienced.  An equivalent term is “baggage”.  When someone says “I don’t want to marry their baggage,” this would be the same asRead more

Additional Information for Chapter 4, page 47 Cynicism is not discussed directly in The Compatibility Code, but is a common response to broken relationships and is well worthy of discussion. A common definition of cynicism runs as follows: A skeptical, scornful or pessimistic attitude; a skeptical, scornful or pessimistic comment or act en.wiktionary.org/wiki/cynicism Other definitionsRead more

Additional Information for Chapter 4, page 47 and 51 Devastation is dealt with quite thoroughly in The Compatibility Code. Any additions to what the book suggests are so individual that it is difficult to make broad statements or prescriptions that would apply to the majority of people.  What we do here is reproduce the sectionRead more

Additional Information for Chapter 4, page 47 Guilt is not dealt with in detail in The Compatibility Code; however, for many it is an omnipresent companion through traumatized or broken relationships. Let’s begin by talking about guilt at a more general level and then later make more specific application to broken (or traumatized) relationships. Webster’sRead more

Additional Information for Chapter 4, pages 47 & 54 There are two basic characteristics of people who are hurting (pain) and want it to stop (need). People who are hurting are often drawn to each other like magnets, and People who are hurting rarely think rationally 1. People who are hurting are often drawn to eachRead more

Additional Information on Chapter 4, page 47 The book mentions a sense of powerlessness as a potential emotional germ but does not expand at all. There are essentially two types of powerlessness: Powerlessness due to external circumstances Powerlessness due to personal qualities or perspective 1. Powerlessness due to external circumstances: We all live in aRead more